Like many of you, I have found myself with a lot of time on my hands. A lot of time to think. A lot of time to worry. A lot of time to dive deep and examine a few things. Tons of memes have been going around making fun of "being essential". Do I laugh? Sometimes, but my anxiety has been through the roof...so more times than not my Brain has been mean. It has said things like, "Yup. That's right. You aren't essential. Sit on the couch and feel sad". And...I did. For a few weeks.
I was finally able to pull myself out of that funk a few days ago. Since March 13th, my emotions have been up and down more than any roller coaster I have ever been on. Those twists and turns have been a doozy. Every time I feel like I finally get a grasp on what I'm feeling, some new change comes along. There I go, grabbing my blanket and becoming a little couch burrito. Tonight, my Spirit said "That's enough!"
My job might not be "essential", but I am. Now, before you roll your eyes. Let's talk. ESPECIALLY if your Brain has taken you down those dark alleys.
My job, on the surface, looks very superficial. I play with makeup and skin care products. What do I bring to the table? Well, Brain, glad you asked. Sit down while Spirit brings ya to church. I help people feel good about themselves. That is what I LOVE about this career. I have met SO many people who apologize to me. And every single time...I am absolutely dumbfounded each time. What did they just say? Did you just apologize for the size of your nose? Did you just apologize for the dark circles under your eyes? Did you just apologize for...you get the idea. I take pride that, in my job, I get to help bring out confidence in others. Help them learn how to love themselves inside and out.
I have had a lot of people message me during this time. People who don't know what to do. They're scared. They're lost. They feel like they have no control. So we break it down. We talk about little things they can do skin care wise to help get them to see results. We talk about the little things they can do with their makeup to feel like there is some kind of normal in their day. It seems so small...but it can do so much. And yet...I kept finding myself doubting my career choice. Not in the sense of, "I'm terrible, this isn't working out". More like "I have spent so much time, money, and effort in to this field...and what is it showing now?" I was a mere 3 weeks from my State Board test date before everything shut down due to Covid-19. I had a job interview lined up for the Monday after I got back from my trip (the Monday after CA issued the Stay Safe order). My family is states away, my husband is an "essential" employ...and I'm confined to the couch. It hit me. Hard. Repeatedly.
I spent many days crying. Feeling so lost. I finally started talking to God about it a few days ago, but I wasn't listening. Tonight, as I picked up my book to start my nighttime reading...it slammed me like someone was yelling in my face. I have worked "essential" jobs. I have learned so much from each...and they all lead me to my current position. Here's what was yelled.
When I worked at the Copper Mine, I discovered that my "flaws" gave me my unique beauty. I learned that even though I was miserable, feeling like I wasn't sure what I had control of, "baby steps are still steps". When I was a counselor, I learned how much my testimony could help others. I learned how to slow down and listen, to care deeply, and how to lead. These are all very, very summed up explanations. I have gone in to some of it in previous blogs if you are interested. Why I share this now is...I let my Brain take me to a dark place. It blocked out these amazing journeys that God brought me to. How EVERYTHING has helped shape me so that I can continue to be "essential" during this time.
If you are like me, and don't have an essential job, that's ok. Will things be easy? Will this all go away quickly? I don't know, and I wish I could give you a better answer. Now, what I DO know is this. You have been given this time for some reason. Will this be the time for you to find your hidden talent? How about spend amazing quality time with your family (Shout out to ALL parents right now. Ya'll are true MVPs)? Is this the time to just be with yourself and reflect? For me, it is to tap in to all the different forms of creativity I pushed down for so long. I have gotten in to painting, writing, and about to jump in to pottery. It has given me quality time with my husband, who for the last 6 to 7 months I have only been able to spend one day a week with (if that). It has given me the time to be wrapped up in my blanket and just read. Given me the time to see my purpose in life.
If you are one of those people I know who have exercised every day, eaten super healthy, and just had pretty consistent good mental health days, kudos my friend! You are doing awesome.
However, if you have been on the couch contemplating if you should become the next Tiger King (because ALL of them seem to have tons of money) and are trying to make it a day without crying? Guess what. You're doing awesome too. But, I am rooting for you to find that thing in this strange time that will bring you joy.
Times are scary, but know that I continue to be here. We might not be able to see each other in person, but please feel free to reach out! Most of all, know that you are essential. You have something that this world needs. And I'm curious, what do you think it is?
If you have read all of this, thank you. Truly. If this touched you, let me know! If you know someone who needs to hear this, please share. And I will see you all once this world gets back on its feet.
Until next time, my dearest warrior,